How can the purple yeti be so red

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Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes. And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles, Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't! Consider the wild flowers which you can see on nature trails or in conservation areas. None of them are employed in the textile industry. Yet even King Solomon in his 1,,pound luxury home was not nearly so well-dressed as they are in terms of colourful visual impact.

Peter Simple Daily Telegraph Shakespeare Merry Wives of Windsor I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical.

About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news - With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypoteneuse. Gilbert Pirates of Penzance Self-decapitation is an extremely difficult, not to mention dangerous, thing to attempt. Gilbert Mikado Is this a grasshopper? Sheridan The Critic The crack like a muffled shot of a small pistol which indicates the official breaking of the criminal's neck ought to be broadcast; when the neck is not broken, listeners would hear the "squelch"1 of strangulation - which would give equal satisfaction to many.

Charles Duff A handbook on hanging Who amongst us cannot immediately recognise by intuition that hanging is an art, and the executioner an artist? Hanging has all the characteristics of art: conservatism, the elaboration of an instinctive mode of expression, balance, harmony in effects, rhythm, tone; and effect.

The Oxford undergraduate leaves Oxford thinking he owns the world; the Cambridge undergraduate leaves Cambridge not caring who owns it. Sir Max Beerbohm Examples of the effect of channel errors on textual transmission i Deletion, e. Moss Ph. Trinity Hall, isn't it? A tourist, seeing the Wren Library.

Beavers, even voluble beavers, didn't say 'Jesus wept' and 'Bloody Hell', not if they wanted to get into print as children's bestsellers. It is sung to the moon, by a love-lorn loon Gilbert Yeomen of the guard I can trace my ancestry back to a proto-plasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable. Gilbert Mikado Dostoyevsky The Idiot "You have wronged me, and in revenge I've come to cut my stomach open before you.

A third case worthy of note is that of Isadora Persano, the well-known journalist and duellist, who was found stark staring mad with a matchbox in front of him which contained a remarkable worm, said to be unknown to science.

Holmes's authority for saying that the whole story concerning the politician, the lighthouse and the trained cormorant will be given to the public. There is at least one reader who will understand. On a certain day he receives no mail and wonders if it is a holiday. To decide this, he computes the probability that in ten years he would have at least one day without any mail.

Problem in 'Finite mathematical structures' - J. Kemeny et al. Some things can't be ravished. You can't ravish a tin of sardines. The Bolzano-Weierstrass method. Bisect the desert by a line running N-S. The lion is either in the E portion or the W portion; let us suppose him to be in the W portion. Bisect this portion by a line running E-W. The lion is either in the N portion or the S portion; let us suppose him to be in the N portion.

We continue the process indefinitely, constructing a sufficiently strong fence about the chosen portion at each step. The diameter of the chosen portions approaches zero, so that the lion is ultimately surrounded by a fence of arbitrarily small perimeter. The Schrodinger method. At any given moment there is a positive probability that there is a lion in the cage. Sit down and wait. The Eratosthenian method. We enumerate the objects in the desert and then examine them one-by-one, discarding all those which are not lions.

By a refinement of this method, we can ensure that only prime lions are captured. Petard Eureka Worrin after Lewis Carroll I do account this world a tedious theatre, For I do play a part in't 'gainst my will. Shakespeare Twelfth Night In sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queuebus.

You can almost define an analyst as a mathematician who doesn't mind missing his lunch as long as he can prove it exists. Geoffrey Willans and Ronald Searle Down with skool! Simulant - Something that doesn't exist but pretends to. He said it 'had washed itself' hat sich gewaschen , which, as Sir Donald Tovey suggests, might be freely translated into 'takes the cake' or regarded as akin to Stevenson's proud announcement that The Master of Ballantrae was 'a howling cheese'.

John Dryden The Spanish Friar I am not yet born; O hear me Let not the blood-sucking bat or the rat or the stoat or the club-footed ghoul come near me. Louis MacNeice You may look upon life as an unprofitable episode, disturbing the blessed calm of non-existence. Schopenhauer All here is gloomy. A faint struggle with the tediousness of time, a doleful confession of present misery, and the approach, seen and felt, of what is most dreaded and most shunned; but such is the lot of man.

Johnson One often falls in love with a woman out of boredom; one does not know what else to do with her. Jean Paul Richter All my misfortunes come from having thought too well of my fellows.

Jean Jacques Rousseau The thought of suicide is a great consolation; by means of it one gets through many a bad night. Nietzsche Youth is a blunder; manhood a struggle; old age a regret.

Disraeli Pangle could be a local variation of pightle, meaning a small meadow or paddock. Or it could have something to do with pample, meaning to tread lightly. We also have "pungled" shrivelled and "pingle" to pick at one's food , but these do not seem to help with the Pangle.

V: Benedic, Domine, nos et dona tua, Quae de largitate tua sumus sumpturi, Et concede ut illis salubriter nutriti, Tibi debitum obsequium praestare valeamus, Per Christum Dominum nostrum. Grace, Trinity College. Wan Swan On the lake Like a cake Of soap. Why is the swan Wan On the lake?

He has abandoned hope. Stevie Smith The bereaved swan Whip me ye devils, From the possession of this heavenly sight! Blow me about in winds! Wash me in steep-down gulfs of liquid fire! Shakespeare Othello PANGLE In the parish of Wereham is one of those fenny badly-drained pieces of land, which are usually called 'labours in vain' from all attempts to turn them to profitable uses being ineffectual; this is called the Pangle.

Rye Glossary of words used in East Anglia After all, one can't complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said 'Bother! Always something going on. Milne Winnie-the-Pooh Blow, winds and crack your cheeks! You cataracts and hurricanoes, spout Till you have drenched our steeples, drowned the cocks! You sulphurous and thought-executing fires, Vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts, Singe my white head!

And thou, all-shaking thunder Strike flat the thick rotundity o' the world! Crack nature's moulds, all germens spill at once That make ingrateful man! Shakespeare King Lear I hate his nasty insinuendos. Samuel Butler The way of all flesh A sofa, of incomprehensible form regarded from any sofane point of view. Dickens The uncommercial traveller If I hadn't played chess, I would have been a mathematician. What a bore that would have been! David Levy. Rich folk may ride on camels but it ain't so easy for 'em to see out of a needle's eye.

Dickens Martin Chuzzlewit [Mrs. Gamp] Go to, you're a dry fool. Shakespeare Twelfth Night There's nothing in this world can make me joy: Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale, Vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man; And bitter shame hath spoilt the sweet world's taste, That it yields nothing but shame and bitterness. Shakespeare King John It is not, indeed, a book to be read through from cover to cover at all, except by those wishing to be pole-axed in the interests of science by a tedium so monumental as to be entirely without precedent in the history of fiction.

Simpson Harry Bleachbaker [Sleeve note] This is an uneven book, parts of it having been made more boring than was in itself strictly necessary in order to highlight those other parts which are less so. Vassar Seminar Amer. Unknown origin. The pancreas looked like a strangled football sock dipped in old batter. It was apparently supposed to. There is no greater evil in creation than the eye; that is why it must shed tears at every turn.

Do not reach for everything you see, or jostle your fellow-guest at the dish; judge his feelings by your own and always behave considerately. Eat what is set before you like a gentleman; do not munch and make yourself objectionable. Be the first to stop for good manners' sake and do not be insatiable, or you will give offence.

If you are dining in a large company, do not reach out your hand before others. A man of good upbringing is content with little, and he is not short of breath when he goes to bed. The moderate eater enjoys heavy sleep; he rises early, feeling refreshed. But sleeplessness, indigestion, and colic are the lot of the glutton.

If you cannot avoid overeating at a feast, leave the table and find relief by vomiting. Ecclesiasticus 31 : O, let us howl, some heavy note, Some deadly dogged howl, Sounding as from the threatening throat, Of beasts and fatal fowl! As ravens, screech-owls, bulls, and bears, We'll bill and bawl our parts, Till irksome noise have cloy'd your ears And corrosiv'd your hearts.

At last when as our choir wants breath, Our bodies being blest, We'll sing like swans, to welcome death, And die in love and rest.

I should not, myself, choose to do it with photographs of spleens, diseased or otherwise. Dorothy Parker Brains need gentle handling, or they are apt to disintegrate. There are three things I always forget. Names, faces and - the third I can't remember. Italo Svevo. Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism. Anon graffito In my opinion the best way is to take a dead fish and make it rigid. That's a lot to have done in, But, where he did one in, That old Russian Stalin did ten in.

Victor Gray A curious thing about the ontological problem is its simplicity. It can be put in three Anglo-Saxon monosyllables: 'What is there? Van Orman Quine. I wouldn't have said off-hand that I had a subconscious mind, but I suppose I must without knowing it. Wodehouse Right Ho Jeeves They have mouths and speak not: eyes have they, and see not. They have ears, and hear not: noses have they, and smell not. Psalm referring to idols All political societies are subversive. Must be.

Stands to reason. Wouldn't exist if they weren't trying to subvert something or other. Tom Sharpe Porterhouse Blue It is transparently obvious to any scholar that William Shakespeare's plays were written not by William Shakespeare, but by another author of the same name. Patrick Moore Can you speak Venusian? Mathematicians are fatuous. Bishop Samuel Wilberforce. Choose your companions carefully, you may have to eat them Sellar, R. Yeatman And now all this You'll be the tenth rat this week to have his brains sucked out by a pneumatic tube.

William Kotzwinkle Doctor Rat Erasmus Darwin had a theory that once in a while one should perform a damn-fool experiment. It almost always fails, but when it does come off is terrific.

Darwin played the trombone to his tulips. The result of this particular experiment was negative. Littlewood A mathematician's miscellany How soon the servant sun, Sir morrow mark , Can time unriddle, and the cupboard stone, Fog has a bone He'll trumpet into meat , Unshelve that all my gristles have a gown And the naked egg stand straight. Dylan Thomas Poem I see no ships by holding the telescope to my blind eye with my missing arm.

Careless woman! Must have dropped it in when she was packing the box. Austin Freeman Pandora's box "Really? She used to go everywhere with me. She died on the way here, and I turned her into one of the most splendid mummies in the country. Back home I should be able to pawn her for any sum I wished. Voltaire Zadig I should as soon think of tickling a porcupine.

Austin Freeman The Old Lag A French politician representing a somewhat backward district in Africa was some time ago found to have been eaten by his constituents.

The journalist who discovered this used the phrase: 'Je crois qu'il a passe par la casserole' I think he ended up in a casserole. Clearly the Africans knew what they were about.

For making a delicious meal out of tough and intractable material, the casserole has no rival. Katherine Whitehorn Cooking in a Bedsitter I was not sleeping, nor what a person would term correctly, dozing. I was more what a person would strictly call watching with my eyes closed. Dickens Little Dorrit You will find it serviceable, in the formation of a demeanour, if you sometimes say to yourself in company - on entering a room, for instance - Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, prunes and prism.

Enter a messenger, with two heads and a hand. Shakespeare Titus Andronicus Bludgeoned to despair I lie deranged in a cell whose very walls rebound th echoes of remorse. Whilst from my heart the overflowing tears decry the hellish path that brought me here. What blundering fool am I to slip like Eve within the trough of guilt?

Is there no other man who knows, the torment, such as I of life. Yet life in Hell. The jury responded with a verdict of life imprisonment for Mr. Meditate on the commandments you have been given; What the Lord keeps secret is no concern of yours. Do not busy yourself with matters that are beyond you; Even what has been shown you is above man's grasp. Many have been led astray by their speculations, And false conjectures have impaired their judgement.

Ecclesiasticus 3 For whom all things are possible: The supremely intelligent child; a psychagogic pandect.

Pat Gunkel Book title As I made the mesmeric passes amid ejaculations of "dead! Upon the bed, before that whole company, there lay a nearly liquid mass of loathsome - of detestable putridity. Poe The facts in the case of M. Valdemar There was never yet philosopher That could endure the toothache patiently. Shakespeare Much Ado about Nothing They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain, A mere anatomy, a mountebank, A threadbare juggler, and a fortune teller, A needy hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch, A living-dead man.

Shakespeare Comedy of Errors I suppose if the scruples I've overcome in my time were laid end to end they would reach from London to Glasgow. Wodehouse Service with a smile Hark! This is the feast that I have bid her to, And this the banquet she shall surfeit on; Why there they are both, baked in that pie; Whereof their mother daintily hath fed, Eating the flesh that she herself hath bred.

Shakespeare Titus Andronicus Mistress, I dug upon your grave To bury a bone, in case I should be hungry near this spot When passing on my daily trot. I am sorry, but I quite forgot It was your resting-place. Thomas Hardy 'Ah, are you digging on my grave? They are much given to standing in the middle of crowded roads and dreaming, and in even your short stay in London you must have observed what a serious, nay intolerable, obstruction they are to the traffic.

Michael Arlen The Ghoul of Golder's Green Tamb: Take it up, villain and eat it; or else I will make thee slice the brawns of thy arms into carbonadoes and eat them. Usum: Nay, 'twere better he killed his wife, and then she shall be sure not to be starved, and he provided for a month's victual beforehand.

Tamb: Here is my dagger: despatch her while she is fat; for if she live but a while longer she will fall into a consumption with fretting, and then she will not be worth the eating. Mike Higgs Moonbird cartoon strip in C. Gradgrind "but I couldn't positively say that I have got it.

Maxim Gorki Fragments from my diary [The Chinese] If you are worried about the possibility of illness caused by your goldfish, you are probably suffering from what we doctors call lunacy and should seek psychiatric help. Bosco Pertwee.

First Serv: O! I am slain. My lord, you have one eye left to see some mischief on him. Out, vile jelly!

Where is thy lustre now? Shakespeare King Lear Your brain is like a sleeping giant It's waiting to be fed! Thursday, 28 January Computer sonnets. How can the purple yeti be so red, Or chestnuts, like a widgeon, calmly groan? No sheep is quite as crooked as a bed, Though chickens ever try to hide a bone. I grieve that greasy turnips slowly march: Indeed, inflated is the icy pig: For as the alligator strikes the larch, So sighs the grazing goldfish for a wig.

Oh, has the pilchard argued with a top? Say never that the parsnip is too weird! I tell thee that a wolf-man will not hop And no man ever praised the convex beard. Effulgent is the day when bishops turn: So let not then the doctor wake the urn!

Shall I compare thee to a noxious bed? Thou art more like a graceful squalid egg: For none will ever warmly call thee red Until, my elk, they see us choke a leg. My heart is crimson, likewise is it blue, When e'er I see the hopeless maidens growl; I stunned the reckless butler - for a gnu Had crudely whistled as it found a fowl.

But thou, my falling gorgon, shalt not write Until we firmly stand at Heaven's light. Oh major-general, tell me why the crane Should be delinquent when the chickens melt: A rotting goldfish never oils a brain, Although 'tis true that urchins mend a pelt. My heart is verdant, likewise is it shy, When e'er I see the crippled onions talk; I maimed the foolish bedpan - for a fly Had quickly waddled as it lost a stork.

I saw a bus-conductor bravely mope With mice as half-baked as a rattling spleen: I revelled with a claymore and a rope, But had a dream of poodles and felt green. Consumptive is the day when felons run: So let not then the butcher jab the nun! Chess match special. Brian Johnston: Welcome back to Chess Match Special, where the players are just coming back onstage after the tea interval and Short is preparing his move. And I must say that this cake is absolutely splendid Trevor Bailey: I wonder if she's any relation of old Boko Capablanca who once took 8 pawns in a game for Derbyshire.

Well the bearded wonder says that none of Boko's surviving relatives have ever made edible cakes, though his aunt Matilda was well known for seedcake. And Short has moved! Any comments, Trevor? TB: Well the board may be a bit damp where Short spilt his lemonade, so one would imagine that this would help the fast movers.

Rather a quiet move really but often seen in world championships. BJ: I see there's also a patch of biscuit-crumbs at the striker's end. Do you think Kasparov will be able to make use of this when he comes to move? TB: Oh I should imagine so. Biscuit crumbs, cigarette-ash, sawdust, I think a gust of wind must have caught it.

Anyway I'm off for a pooh-pooh now, so to take you through the next few minutes, it's Aggers. Jonathan Agnew: Great to be here, Johnners. Now I think old Shorty must be feeling as sick as a rook, as the saying goes, because he was relying on that pawn being slightly crooked, wasn't he Trevor?

TB: Z-z-z-z-z-z. JA: Thank you Trevor. Well we're still waiting for Kasparov to move his men into position and there's no sign of any time trouble yet. I'm not so sure about these chess clocks though I was so proud having my parents bring in the pizzas. Hanisch agreed. Several others have donated to the cake project.

Downtown Main Street members paid for graduation banners. Written By: Anne Jacobson am, May 10,